is this what it feels like?

I'm good at looking ahead, but when a new season is on the horizon it can cause me to freeze a little.  I think there's a better term for this.  Something like fear or stagnancy or feeling stuck.  I know a change is ahead and a part of me wants to just stop everything in hopes it won't come.  Another part of me keeps looking ahead and like my son, counting down the days until the event, way too early.  I've already told my oldest we need to count down to Daddy's birthday before his, and if I hear about Halloween one more time I might combust.

I've had a planner since middle school and can remember walking into the Franklin Covey store and thinking how amazing it was. It's our anniversary tomorrow.  Maybe my spontaneous husband should have known these things about me!  Sorry, Benjamin.  I'm sure this was in my e harmony profile somewhere.

In this summer month of no camps or school or activities we're signed up for, I'm wondering if this is a bit of the freedom homeschooling families experience.  My husband was homeschooled and it's a method of education we've talked about, yet haven't chosen, for our kids.  I still remember pacing my bedroom in Santa Barbara on the first phone call Benjamin and I had nearly a decade ago when he told me he was homeschooled.  I quickly asked, "Is that something you expect of your wife and for your own family."  He responded that he knew it wasn't the best fit for every family and that he had no expectations that it would be how his kids would be raised.  Phew, I thought.  No way would I want to do that type thing.  Send those imaginary kids to school I thought.

Here we are though, and there are several things I'm loving about the time we're in. 

This morning I had Anderson do a few worksheets that were sent home from his kindergarten class as suggested work to do over the summer.  He promptly complied and finished the papers with ease.  Nope.  He was distracted by his brothers playing and it took some time and maybe a timer to get through a few pages.  As I try to plan well, I'm trying to help him along too so in a month we aren't amazed by the idea of homework.

I'm loving the slower morning of flipping pancakes, letting them watch a show, and getting my routine down.  I always throw a load of laundry in, unload the dishwasher, load everything else up, and try to get in time with the Lord.

I love days when we can head to the country, or pack up for the pool.  Evan still needs a nap so I know we can get out earlier but need to be back by a certain time so he can rest.  I shop online a lot now and only go to the grocery store once a week so those errands don't consume our time. 

Before all the homeschooling moms tell me this is absolutely not what their days look like, I get it.  You have rigorous curriculum's and it's no walk in the park.  I think the introvert in me is really liking the home time and the smallness of our life right now.  My brain isn't consumed with too many activities or people or events to keep up with.  I can do our family and feel like I have the time and space to do it well.  I can think more clearly about things I do want to pursue and see why they would be a benefit.

It's a good season to think on all I'll say no to this year too.  I've committed to a few new things, and so the 'no's' will likely be more frequent.

I need to say yes to our kids activities, to Friday's at home, to date nights, to Sunday's at church and with family.  I have to say no to things that aren't worth my time or that don't bring me joy or benefit my family.  I need to say no to comparison, and yes to freedom. 

Galations 5:1 states- "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

Homeschooling or not, I'm choosing freedom.  Freedom to write and pursue things that benefit me, my marriage, how I parent, how I serve.  That's what God wants for me, and I know that's what he wants for you too. 

Perhaps it's not this idea of how we educate then, but freedom.  Is this what it feels like? I think so.

No comments